Just too tired to come up with a name for this :$

Sometimes you just can't find the right words
and maybe you don't need to...
I guess words aren't everything after all -
I wish I knew just what to say
or what to do... I can't believe it,
never been the type to freeze
mentally, this is unreal
but could it be that finally
I'm learning just how to feel...
they say there's no harm in messing up
and from experience, I know it's true
because I definitely made a big mistake
thinking I didn't care about you
the way I do - even if you knew this,
which I'm almost sure you should -
I don't admit to being caught off-guard often
but boy, you got me good.

[E] Concordia Invitational

First university wrestling tournament.

82kg women - 3rd place

Note to self: just make the cut.

[7]

If only I had known...

Some things just never change. Some people never cease to make you smile. Some memories never stop making you cry.

I walked past the awards cabinet at my high school, and I realized how much I truly love what we had together - a real family connection... that goes far beyond my time... and will keep going through all of yours...

Never cried so many tears or smiled for so long, because it had finally made sense.

Love lasts forever.

[6]

If only I had known...

I'd be falling apart, not knowing how to save myself.

Someone needs to send me an angel soon.

You could do better.

I'm just saying, you could do better... I just can't believe after everything, you chase dreams bigger than your hands can hold onto. I don't understand how it even crossed your mind that maybe this would work out the way you had expected. I can't begin to explain just how much it hurts every time I think about this mess we've made. I don't even want to think about what's next because you seem to think we can skip over things like this. I may not ever stop hurting like this and I don't think you will either, it seems so, at least. Have you heard that lately?

[T] Actually, a question.

Why do I feel like there's something more to you and I?

Tell me what you're thinking
because I don't read minds,
I feel like there's something in you
that I'm just dying to find
beneath the surface
like the fish in the ocean
or the eagles that grace the skies,
there's a compelling sense of wonder
I feel from looking into your eyes...

[T] Are heroes real?

I never thought it would happen again... I was never the type to sit around and cry - showing weakness is unnecessary. I thought things would never have to change, because no matter what happened, you'd always be there. Three years ago, it was the beginning.

It was like waking up from a bad dream only to realize you're still asleep. It was unreal. Everything became so quiet all of a sudden. Smiles faded and soon it was just the face of indifference. A blank canvas. Never thought I'd see a day when things would change. But regardless, you'd still be my hero.

A year later, I started to see it. Just like everyone else - we would have to find a new way to do things. How were we ever gonna be anything like we used to be? There was no 'we' without you. There was no way this was gonna work.

I remember the entire week leading up to that day. The day things would actually change - without us being able to do anything about it. Tears. No matter how hard it was to handle, you kept a smile on your face. I questioned how things would ever be the same without you, and you simply laughed and said "you'll be okay".

And you weren't wrong.

I had never been more motivated to work harder - to be stronger - to fight until every drop of blood has dripped out of my body. Maybe I didn't believe in it before, but I guess I shouldn't have been so doubtful. Heroes are real.

[5]

If only I had known...

Things do get better.

The people you care about will always remember that. They will do as much as they can to see you happy. The people you knew you could always count on will be there for you, no matter where you are. The tears you shed will dry - and your smiles will feel amazing. The times you wish would last forever still do, and everyone knows it. Falling in love doesn't just mean finding someone you think works for you, it's the unusual ability you have to work for them too. Family isn't only the blood running through you, it's also the blood shed for you. Friends don't let friends cry, but good friends make you laugh until you do. Memories last as long as you wish if you're willing to remember them. When someone you care about speaks to you, the words enter your mind and touch your heart. It's a fact of life that very few remember the good things that you've done and never forget the bad things. It's also a fact of life that the people you care about will love you no matter what you've done. If you tell someone you love them, they'll never forget it. If you tell someone you hate them, they'll never forget you. If you pretend you care about someone, they will see right through you. If you pretend you don't, they know you'll change your ways soon. When the going gets tough, hug someone - that feeling will motivate you to get through anything. You know you love someone when your first thought is not how happy they make you, but how happy you could make them.

That's how I feel about you. You make me want to make you happy. And I'd never want to do anything else...