[T] If you asked me...

I'd be completely honest with you. I always loved you. No matter what happened, I'd always be there for you. I knew you deserved that much, and I'd honestly give you all of that and more. I just wanted to see you smile - it didn't matter what I needed to do... I would do it, no second guesses. I'd tell you how much I regret ever telling you how I felt about you... how disgusting I felt after I did, knowing I couldn't erase the words from my mind - I couldn't take them back. Your reaction said it all, you didn't need to say another word. I understand, oh I do. You always made the rules - I never argued with it because I couldn't... I could never do anything to change that moment. I'd be able to look at you without feeling like I'm living below your expectations. I still cry about it, and it makes me feel stupid, because I honestly don't know why I let you affect the way I feel. I'm an idiot for trying to pretend I didn't care. You'd know I hate the person you are now. You make me hate myself. You make me wish I could undo years of my life so I could go back to a day where you had no influence over me. You're the reason I put myself through all of this shit. You're the reason I first contemplated the jump...