[T] Relationships? No... simply relations.

There's nothing to say about the awkwardness that followed last night's [insert all synonyms for 'unbelievable' here] events.

And why?

Because some people choose to think with their genitalia, and not with their brains.

It's unfortunate, really. The kind of trouble one may get themselves into for not simply keeping their legs closed.

And darlings, alcohol does NOT justify this issue.

This is so weird, speaking in referring to my friends as if I can't just speak to them. But in fact, I can't. Because they don't listen.

So if, *people whom I am referring to* by some mystical force of nature, your eyes somehow grace these words... all I have to say is... wow.

To both of you, I ask this: was it worth it?

I know it must be hard being lonely (LOL JK because clearly no one sleeps alone anymore) but I'm gonna make this really clear for you and everyone else.

I understand that in kindergarten, we were all taught that "sharing is caring". That doesn't mean share EVERYTHING... you are allowed to keep some things to yourselves.

Now as I return to my bed (alone, by choice... just saying), I hope these unusual sexual encounters remain nonexistent... or at least, nonexistent to me, because after all, ignorance is bliss.